I've always disagreed with the statement "Don't go to bed angry". It's unrealistic and in reality, can set ​couples up for some unhealthy relationship patterns.

When we try to live by not going to bed angry, it forces couples to talk about an issue when often one ​partner isn't ready to talk about - let alone resolve - the issue. Often one partner will just give in to the ​other partner to get some sleep because they know they have to get up in the morning to go to work or ​tend to children. This then often leads to a feeling of resentment and can lead to a pattern of control ​where one partner waits until late at night to "pick a fight" or start a discussion because they know the ​other spouse will eventually give in and they will get their way.

And it assumes all issues are of equal weight. Let's face it, some issues between couples hurt deeply - ​and should hurt deeply. When couples try to live by this statement it allows one person to demand ​and/or the other person to feel that they have to let go of feelings that they have a right to have - that ​they have not yet processed through.

Often people who want to live by this mantra want to do so because it is so uncomfortable for them to ​sit in pain, hurt, anger, or uncertainty. They feel like they have to get it out right away or they will ​explode so they invoke the "Don't Go To Bed Angry" mantra. The problem is that this spouse is more ​focused on their feelings than on their spouse or what might be best for the marriage. Let's face it, life ​hurts, and being in marriage for life we are bound to hurt our spouse - whether intentionally or ​unintentionally. As we grow and mature into adulthood we all have to learn to sit with emotional pain, ​discomfort, and uncertainty - and no, it doesn't feel good. We have to learn how to manage those ​feelings, how to not let them interfere with our daily lives too much, and how to work our way through ​those feelings over time.

So here is what I think is a better mantra or pledge for couples to make:

"I promise to always treat you with respect even when I am angry with you.

Especially when I am angry with you."

Many couples feel they have to work through a conflict immediately because they don't know how to ​show up the next day and be present while still angry. So here's a life lesson: You don't get to stop being ​a spouse, being in a marriage, being in a partnership, being a mom or dad, or being part of a family ​because you are angry about something. You still have to show up and be present.

Anger is a natural emotional response to perceived threats, injustices, or frustrations. It can range from ​mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Understanding and managing anger involves self-awareness and ​the use of effective strategies to ensure that it does not negatively impact your well-being or ​relationships.